It was only a ’93 Lincoln, but he loved it. Not a ding on it. Only 75,000 miles, even though it was 14 years old. The leather seats were like new, as was the headliner. All the bells and whistles worked, including the cruise control and the power seats and mirrors. It even got 14 miles per gallon. What was not to love?
She hated it. She hated it because she thought he loved his car more than he loved her. “We can’t go anywhere because all you do is worry about what will happen to your car,” she complained. “The last time we went shopping, after an hour you stopped talking and listening to me. You had that long face. I knew what you were thinking about.”
“What was I thinking about?” he asked.
“You were thinking about your Lincoln!” She continued, “When we went out to the parking lot, you walked all around it to check for fresh dings. Then, when you saw none, you unlocked the car and got in. As usual, you didn’t open the door for me because you were so busy adjusting the airflow out of the dashboard vents.”
“I just do that to make you feel comfortable,” he said.
“If you really want to make me comfortable,” she said, “sell this car.”
Ray’s wedding had gone off without a hitch. Everyone seemed to have had a good time. A few people had too good of a time; they went home with designated drivers. All evening, the gift table remained unguarded. Who would steal anything, Ray thought. He had never heard of such a thing happening at a wedding. But his best friend Aaron said there was a first time for everything. He strolled out regularly from the inside festivities to check on the gift table, making sure no one suspicious was hanging around it.
Ray and Julia went on a 3-week honeymoon to Italy right after the wedding. When they got back, they opened all the gifts and sent out thank you notes. But there was one problem. A married couple that used to be good friends had apparently given nothing. This surprised Julia, because Walt and Mary said they were thrilled to be invited. And, they actually seemed to have had a great time at the wedding. Frankly, Ray didn’t even care if they hadn’t given a gift. He just needed to know whether to send a thank you note. Ray called Aaron. Aaron said maybe Walt had left an envelope on the gift table like Aaron had. “Yes, but we got your envelope with the cash inside,” Ray said.
“Maybe my envelope looked too thin, and some thief thought Walt’s envelope looked nice and fat.”
An Italian couple murdered four people in the house next door. They slit the throats of their neighbor, Maria Como, and her mom. Then they slit the throats of Mrs. Como's 2-year-old little boy, Perry, and a woman who just happened to be visiting. Finally, they set the house on fire! This all happened two weeks before Christmas.
The couple had complained constantly to the Comos about the noise they caused, but no one else in the neighborhood seemed to think that the Comos were noisy.
"Maria was a kind and quiet person," said one of her neighbors. "She and her husband used to push little Perry around the neighborhood in his stroller. They were friendly to everyone. I can't believe this happened."
Police in the northern Italian town could not believe it either. A spokesman said that never in the history of Italy had a married couple worked as a team to slice four neighbors' throats and then try to burn their house down!
"I think if they claim temporary insanity, everyone will believe it!" said the spokesman.
After firemen found the four bodies, the couple calmly confessed to the police.